Emo Prayers

Paper Airplanes

2006-05-12T13:21:00.000-07:00

Where have you been?
I've missed you.
The days are so bright,
and yet still so blue.

I long for the sweetness of your touch.
I can't take it any longer,
thats it i'm about to burst.
This drug is what keeps me stronger.

I don't rely that you'll come any time soon.

So i send my paper airplanes, through the moon and all the stars.

To drag you back to the home you belong to.

Where have you been?

I'm "filled with pain".

The days are so blue

without any rain.

I long for the taste of your lips,

but what do i have to go through?

To feel you in my arms again.

These cuts are all i can do.

I don't rely that you'll come any time soon.

So i send my paper airplanes, through the moon and all the stars.

To drag you back to the home you belong to.

Anti-Sober

2006-05-11T12:25:00.000-07:00

My hands tremble. My lips are numb. My head is pure.
Heart is racing, running, going to the end.
Need more. Need some. And it's better then,
Sex+ Violence, better then Love+ Peace.
It's just Pure. Immaculate! Without blemish!

I love being here on my "trip".
On my own. Not listening to the teacher, only hearing.
This is what i want sometime, just for myself.

On my own.

My ESCAPE!-------------------------I don't like drugs,Drugs like me!

And why can't i have this for myself? Why is it so wrong? Did i hurt anyone physically? Would I?

And i only wonder what i'd do for this..

Escape..Jail? Murder? Sex? Theif?

I hate that i have to work for it. I wish it would come to me! I wish I were this. I'd be safe- i'd be myself. With my Escape. And i don't think anyone can save me. They've tried but no, i'm too far down that hole...

And I love the feeling. And i will always have it. It will always be in me,

because I am I.

I am my own Escape!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am without Blemish!

My hands are trembling. Heart is pounding.
And i hear my snake ridding the storm. And i love the feeling!
I love the drug.

Ecstasy Stops Crying And Prepares Escape.

They make you feel so hollow. I don't know what to do now. I have no more! i need more! Should i ask? i need! MORE! And i don't want anything else but that. Jesus! ???? God! And i feel bad beacuse i don't tell my boyfriend.. But now what?

-----
"WAIT! There's been a slaughter here!."

I am Immaculate
today + yesterday + before that + tomorrow & forever.

Should i cut? No! it's not a drug! i need more, i'm dying. I NEED KOCE!......BAD! Is this me? Am i this? Who have i become? Am i my own drug? Where's Linda Marley? Gosh! i'm starting to fade.....i try to breathe...I taste Escape!
Please don't go away! I want my nose to be cold!!!!
----------------------------------------------------------------

I begin to feel my lips! I am going to die! I need it to stay alive. I have become two different persons. What am i doing?

Am i going insane?//////////
OMG! I HAVE SOME,,,,THANK YOU JAH!

MY ESCAPE!

Is this an addiction?

To the Saved Person

2006-04-24T12:33:00.000-07:00

Dear Mother,RIP 2001

"Till the day I die, my sunshine you'll be"

I know in the past you were always there for me. Playing the two roles of a parent for both my brother and I, is hard work. And I thank you for doing the all and as much as you could for the both of us. You always believed in us. We trusted only in you. You gave us so much, everything that anyone could possibly have. You have been an inspration to me, all that anyone could be. I owe all the happiness of my life to you. In some way, people always tell me that i'm exactly like you and i'm proud to be the way that I am. Just like you! I just want you to know that I never hated you. I just didn't like that fact that you were gone so fast. When you left you said "never cry for me." Why did you say that to me? You taken a piece of my heart. Please leave me my tears. You know that I can never cry for you now. I feel ashamed. But thats fine with me. I hope.

I don't think a family could have been happier than we have been.

---"A woman's life in a single day and in that day, her whole life."

I'll see you in the next life, please remember me.

PALMS 23.

I Love You Forever

Your Only Daughter,

Veronica Asanette

A poem for "The Lost Person"

2006-04-24T12:14:00.000-07:00

Why did daddy go?

Daddy came to me one night

when i was very small

and told me he must go away

and not come back at all.

He told me that he'd always

be the daddy I loved so

if that were true, would someone tell me

Why did daddy go?

The daddy that I had always know

would not have left me so.

To wonder what I've done to him,

he would have stayed.

To dry my tears

until they ceased to flow.

Would someone tell me please,

Why did daddy go?

Many years have passed me by

since daddy went away.

He's never called me

or written to explain.

Sometimes I can't remember now,

the memories come so slow.

But the question burns inside my soul.

Why Did Daddy Go?

For someone that Lost

and can't find

their way

home.

To the Lost Person

2006-04-17T13:23:00.000-07:00

Dear Father, R.I.P 1989
"WHO ARE YOU?"
A guy who left his wife and child because they didn't fit the selfish lifestyle that you preferred? Or a guy who simply just wanted to screw around with every woman in town and have bnillons of kids all over the world? I don't know which is better. But maybe your more than that. I know in your sophisticated literary, bread delivery world people think that your a BIG deal. I thought so too until I was ten years old. You promised me that you would come home for Fathers Day. (Do you remeber?) Nad with the little money that I had I bought you a single red rose to show you all the love I had. To show you how much I wanted you back in my life.
I waited for you that day but you never came. Not even a call to say you couldn't make it. You crushed me that day and I'll take it to my grave.
Maybe someday I'll write a brilliant novel and then you'll want to see me, then you'll want to know who I am. You'll tell everybody.."Oh thats my daughter." But I'll remember you. I'll remember that that Father Day the red rose died and it's been dead since then. Now a couple of years later that dead red rose hangs on a frame on my wall.
And it's still waiting for you.
And I hate you for it.

"There's no one to blame but you"

Your one out of many daughters,

Veronica Espinoza

NO Regrets...NONE.

2006-04-12T12:33:00.000-07:00

They tell me that everybody has regrets. Unless their "stupid". Or inless their "perfect". Or maybe unless their lives have been so boringly "trouble-free". Or unless their a "goody two-shoes". First of all i'm not stupid or perfect. for one thing i'm not a goody two-shoes. I don't know what that really means anyway. Maybe it's somebody who's constantly happy or tirelessly helpful to everybody. Well i might seem happy all the time but, Is that really me? Thats not me. but if it means somebody who'd rather focus on the good stuff than wail about the bad, then i'll have to accept the "goody two-shoes" name tag. As for having a trouble free life, I don't. I get tired and depressed just like everyone else. I dislike even telling people this becasue their always so horrified by it, and don't know what to say to me, but oh well...

............I WAS BORN..............

That was the biggest most worst thing! It all just happened so fast..! haha

But I guess everybody seemed to regret that.

There were other stuff too. My parents. My dad was always freaking out on booze for no reason(we thought). Then left us when i was turning two. My mom got sick of cancer when i was 12. So I lived with my brother for a couple of months. Now he's married and I am left alone, once again.

-----> THE ONLY THING THAT

-----> CAN'T EVER CHANGE IS

-----> DEATH--THAT YOU JUST

-----> HAVE TO LIVE WITH.

If you still have both your parents, you can't imagine how much it hurts when their not there anymore, or of how frightened you feel. I was so young, I didn't really understand. I guess I still don't. I just thought that everybody ran away from me. I kept thinking that my mother would return from her cold sleep and that my father would remember about me and come back home. Eventhough I knew they wouldn't or couldn't. Maybe abandoning your family or death is too big of a thing for anybody to really get a handle on. But when your 1 1/2 or 12 and the people you love run out on you or die, It's like being in the middle of a tornado that just won't stop ripping you apart.

-----------------------------

Except that finally does. Finally the wind dies down and you're still standing ----

.MY TIME IN THE TORNADO.

So you're probably wondering...Doesn't she miss her parents? Wouldn't she like to have them back?.. Of course I would, but my regrets won't accomplish that. I don't regret my time in the tornado either, it'slife, it's what i have to deal with, it's made me who im today and forever. So I say "No Regrets". I mean that there's no reason to look back in worry, wishing you could change things because it wouldn't do any good. Well I do look back sometimes with sadness in my eyes but just as often as I remember the happy and good times. And I always look to the future with hope. If you do have any regrets at all, you should stop wishing you could rearrange or change your past. It seriously is a waste of time but you should start looking forward to whatever is up ahead.

NONE.

ESCAPE

2006-04-12T09:34:00.000-07:00

I suppose there are people with no wish to escape, but they aren’t people that I know. Is this a legacy passed on to me by my father? He escape from me when I was about one year old. Or maybe from my mother who wanted everything done for and felt as if she had to rip herself away from being a single parent to both my brother and I. And I wonder only why they would want to escape from me. And now I must run too. To escape from them of course, as all children have to.
Well my parents moved on to a better life. And now my brother is all grown up, married too, to a beautiful woman. So he plays the role of my father. I understand sometimes that he must escape from my always tolerant love. He said that he had to “test himself against life”.
When my mother, our mother, passed away, my brother and I never talked about it. But I felt that as if he cried for days with the bathroom door locked. Maybe he was in his shell? But yet he seems to pretend like nothing has happened. He speaks to me again like nothing has changed. My sister-in-law, my “pretend mom”, I don’t think she likes me one bit, or at all. I don’t know what I’ve done to make her so mad or against me. I’ve messed up a couple of times. I went though some bumps in the road. But the cool thing about it though is that I learned from those mistakes. No one tells me anything anymore. No lessons to be taught. No rules to learn. They gave up on teaching me because they now know that I can learn things on my own, weather there're good or bad.
Everybody yet still pressures me into growing up, but I still haven't left my childhood behind. I need to figure everything out. EVERTHING. What it all means by myself. I need to climb mountains by myself. I'm not a baby anymore. I need to figure out who Veronica or who Ronnie is alone, my myself. I need to know my deepest fear. My blissful moment, alone.
After i've escaped.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Career?

2006-04-11T12:42:00.000-07:00

My Carrer Chioces
First I have to graduate from high school and make good grades. After that my career would be to go into the medical field. Also into the beautician field. Either way I’ll be happy with whatever I do. Don’t you just wish that you could be one thing for one week and then be something else another? Like be a doctor then a teacher and then a lawyer. I mean so life won’t get so boring.
I want to go into the medical field because I want to be a dentist so I can fix people’s teeth. So they can have healthy smiles like mine.
I also want to have a beautician degree so I can make other people look beautiful for when they need to go out. I mean I don’t want to look at people’s mouth all the time. So that’s why I’ll have a backup degree in case the first one doesn’t work out.
I just hope i'm that smart to pull it all off.
---Veronica